A Crack on Titan (and Ramen)
by kittyphoenix12-xx
Summary: Okay, so what I can remember is that the Konoha twelve are some how in the attack on titan universe. I literally cannot remember.


**This is actually meant to be confusing, I think. I found it in my folder written nearly a year previously. Good luck?**

**Disclaimer: Do we still need them? I do not own them**

**yeet**

* * *

"My God!"

"What the hell?"

"It's so big!"

"I feel bad for the person it's eating right now..."

"Same!"

"Hey look! A guy is wearing orange!"

"I wonder if that's what Naruto will look like?"

"Are you saying I'm going to be an alcoholic?"

"Hey! Where's Akamaru?"

"I think he went to sniff the giant..."

"What! No! Akamaru! I'm coming!"

"Yeah, he is..."

"That sounded way to sexual."

"Ah! Kiba!"

"Naruto-Ku-Kun, w-w-wait!"

The ninjas came across the said orange, drunk man, and a crying brown-haired boy. The black-haired girl had a glazed look in her eyes.

"What happened to them?"

"Maybe the giant cannibal ate their mum?"

"Hn."

"I'll ask!"

"Naruto, you can't just ask that! Oh, he's gone..."

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"Hey, crying, brown haired boy and black-haired girl with a glazed look in her eyes, was that your mum who was eaten? Dattebayo!"

They looked at him.

"Y- yes..." The crying, brown haired boy replied, still crying.

"Aw! That's sad... Do you think she tastes nice? DO YOU THINK SHE COULD BE IMMORTAL?"

Slap! Punch!

Sakura and the black-haired girl with a glazed look in her eyes had both hit him.

"Ow! Dattebayo!"

"Naruto! Baka! You can't ask if she's immortal! You ask if she's in good health!" Sakura screamed.

"Do. Not. Insult. Eren's. Mother. EVER. Again." The black-haired girl with a no longer glazed look in her eyes snarled.

"You Eren?" Naruto turned to the boy.

The boy nodded.

"Why do you have a girl's name?"

Slap! Punch!

"You can't ask that!"

"Uh... Sorry to ruin your touching conversation. But we need to leave unless you want to be eaten."

"I've been eaten before!"

"No, you haven't!"

"Yes, I have. In the forest of death during the Chūnin exams!"

"I don't remember that..."

"... I was lost..."

"WE NEED TO LEAVE!"

"Okay, okay. We're leaving."

Time Skip no Jutsu -

"That kid kinda reminds me of you, Naruto!"

"How? Dattebayo!"

"He has a dream!"

"Like Martin Luther King?"

"Who?"

"Never mind..."

"I'll kill them all. Every single one. They will all fall in my wa-"

"SHUT UP!"

"I wonder if there are sharks?"

"Guys... Akamaru is in the water..."

"Well... If there are sharks, he's screwed."

"Noooooo! Akamaru!" Splash!

"Well... He's dead as well..."

Crash!

"Hey! The big cannibals broke through the wall!"

"Oh dear..."

"Why's everyone crying?"

"Troublesome..."

"Hey guys... I've just realised we're back in our Genin bodies..."

"Aw! I need to get my muscles back!"

"What muscles?"

"Shut up!"

"Hn."

"You didn't have any muscles either Teme!"

"Hn."

"No, you didn't! Don't lie!"

"You know... I'm not going to ask."

"YOUTHFUL ENERGY BURNS BRIGHTLY IN US ALL! ETERNAL YOUFJDBDKDBDK!" Splash!

"Good riddance..."

The ship landed.

"Do they have Ramen?"

Smack!

"No! Baka!"

"Hn."

"Hey look! A coconut!"

"I'm not a coconut!" The blonde coconut yelled.

5-year time skip-

"I'm going to kill the giant cannibals! Dattebayo!"

"... Hn..."

"Copying me, eh Teme!"

"Oh... It's you guys again..."

"Omg! Crying, brown haired guy! I haven't seen you in like, five years! Dattebayo!"

Eren looked like he was ready to die. Shall I tell you what he was looking at? No? I'll tell you anyway.

A blonde boy with cat whiskers and a bright orange jump suit.

A black-haired boy, whose hair was styled in a duck's butt.

A hoe... I meant a girl with pink hair.

A boy with red triangles and an extremely big dog.

A guy with sunglasses.

A girl with dark purple hair, who looked blind (as she had no pupils) "I'm not blind!"

A guy with pineapple hair, who was asleep, standing up.

A 'big boned' male with weird swirls, eating a bag of... Things.

A slut... I mean, a blonde girl with blue eyes.

A scary boy, with a bowl cut, humongous eyebrows and a green spandex.

Another blind girl. "I'm a boy!"

A girl with panda buns and a strange scroll.

Yes... He was scarred.

"Alright then you maggots, time for your- hey! Wait a moment! Why aren't you twelve wearing the uniform?"

"Uniform?"

"Is it orange?"

"Why would it be orange?"

"You mean it's not orange?"

"No! It's not fucking orange!"

"Then I'm not wearing it! Believe it!"

"I don't believe it!"

They were forced into the uniform, much to Naruto's displeasure.

"This colour soooo doesn't suit me..."

"Why does Akamaru have to wear a uniform, he's a DOG!"

"Why brown?"

"I think it is more of a beige colour!"

"THIS YOUTHFUL UNIFORM BRINGS OUT THE FLAME OF YOUTH IN US ALL!"

"Why isn't it orange?"

"Hn."

"What did you say about orange, Teme?!"

"Where are you from, soldier?"

"Trost district, sir!"

"What about you, whiskers?"

"I'm from Konoha!"

"Konoha?"

"Yep! We all are! Dattebayo!"

"Don't lie. That place doesn't exist!"

"Don't cry, boldly!"

Punch! Slap!

"Respect me!"

"Baka! He's probably ill!"

"Hn. Dobe."

"Teme!"

Punch! Kick! Slap! Elbow!

"No fighting in camp!"

"Don't hurt Sasuke-kun!"

-Training time! -

"Man, coconut. You're weak!"

"I know."

"You don't have any muscles. Dattebayo!"

"I KNOW!"

"But the protective girl-"

"Mikasa-" Armin cut in.

"Yeah. Whatever... She has good muscles!"

"I know..."

"By the way, coconut..."

"Hmm?"

"How are they related?"

"Mikasa's adopted..."

"Oh..."

"Yeah..."

"..."

"..."

"Ah. Please don't hit me!" That was Kiba.

Flump! He was now on the floor. Mikasa had hit him.

"Now I'm going to teach you how to FLY!"

"Fly?"

"How can we fly?"

"I want to fly!"

"Hn..."

"Teme!"

Few minutes later, everyone but Eren and Naruto could fly.

Naruto wasn't because he was wanting to know what happens if you put chakra in it.

Eren because his was broken.

Bang!

Naruto's had just exploded.

"Whoops... Can I have a new one? Dattebayo?"

"Aargh!"

"Umm... What?"

Next day...

"We are gathered here today, to -"

"It's not a funeral! Believe it!"

"Shut up!"

Silence.

"Anyway, Naruto and Eren are going to try to fly again."

Sasuke and Naruto are in a heated staring contest.

"Naruto first!"

Naruto tripped over, breaking his nose, but only the front people knew this, but Kyuubi healed him.

He tried again.

And he did it. Believe it.

"Welp! Your turn girly boy!"

Eren glared at him.

He was able to balance, before the scary bold guy realised that it was broken.

"Wow! That's cool!"

"Woof!"

"YOUTH!"

"Shut up Lee!"

"Hn."

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"..."

"How did I graduate? Dattebayo?"

"At least it didn't take you three tries!"

"Shut up!"

"I wish he let us graduate in the top ten!"

"I think he found us weird..."

"I'M NOT WEIRD, MY YOUTHFUL FRIENDS!"

"I can't see it."

"I'm so proud of girly boy!"

"Naruto? Why are you crying?"

"My eyeballs are sweating, okay!"

"Sure..."

"What's he saying?"

"Something about picking a rank, or something."

"Military Police, Garrison Regiment, or the Survey Regiment. Something like that anyway."

"Survey?"

"I think it's also called Scouting Regiment."

"Do we leave the wall?"

"Yes."

"I'M IN!"

-next day (or something like that)-

"The Titans have broken through Trost!"

"Where's Trost?"

"And he thought Konoha was a weird name..."

"Put your gear on! We're going into battle!"

"I'm so excited! Dattebayo!"

"Let's goooooooooooo!"

"Go, Go, Power Rangers!"

"..."

"Ruff!"

"I can't believe Akamaru can fly!"

"Why are they so big?"

"It reminds me of Orochimaru's Snake or Kyuubi..."

-outside the wall-

"Itachi-San, where are we?"

"Tobi thinks we're in a forest."

"No shit!"

"I agree! Un!"

-back with the 12-

"These swords are stupid!"

"I prefer kunai! Dattebayo!"

"Oh dear..."

"Why are they regenerating?

"What a drag..."

"Noooooooooooo! Girly boy! Don't die!"

"Naruto, you're going to mess up the plot if you help!"

"But I love him!"

"That's not in the plot!"

"Troublesome..."

"Neither is that!"

"Ah! Guys! I think Santa is about to eat coconut!"

"I'll save you! Oh! Wait. Eren did it."

"What's he doing?"

"Just jump out already! No?"

"WE'VE JUST LOST ANOTHER YOUTHFUL LIFE!"

"Coconut seems depressed..."

"Well his best friend was just eaten..."

"I was sad when Sasuke died."

"Hn, I didn't die."

"Yes, you did! Dattebayo!"

"When and How?"

"When we first met, and from the giant stick stuck up your ass!"

"Hn."

"Naruto? Where are you going?"

"To kill Santa! Dattebayo!"

"Well, no one is getting anything for Christmas now."

"Bergh, guys?"

"What Kiba?"

"The Titan just ate Naruto..."

"That idiot!"

"Seriously, we can't go anywhere with him!"

"Hn!"

-a few hours later-

"Why did that Titan punch the other one?"

"I dunno, why did that Titan punch the other one?"

"That wasn't a joke Kiba!"

"It was fate..."

"N-Neij- kun I d-don't t-th-think it was..."

"Yosh! My youthful companions! Let us show these Titans the will of Fire!"

Bang!

"It is I! Uzumaki Naruto! Dattebayo!"

"...Yay..."

"Hn..."

"You know, I thought you guys would be more excited."

-remaining soldiers-

"Mikasa, what are we going to do?"

"We will fight, because as a child Eren and I killed a bunch of men because I was being kidnapped, and he told me something extremely important- Fi-"

"DATTEBAYO!"

"Oh, for fucks sake."

"Oi! Forehead, you slut, I'll rip out your rib cage if you let Sasuke die!"

"Oh, shut up you pig, you think I'll let Sasuke-kun die? I won't! Believe it!"

"That's my phrase!"

"I was in the middle of encouragement..."

"It actually sounded like you were admitting to murder."

Mikasa turned red, "Shut up!"

"Aww~"

"Here comes that massive boi!"

"Please never say that again."

"Did he just punch that guy?"

"See... Told you he was a boss!"

"Wait..."

"What?"

"Is that? Is that Itachi?"

"Oh, my Kami, we are so fucking screwed," Choji murmured, eating the last of the supplies.

"Fate as decided that today will be the day we die."

"Fuck fate! Dattebayo!"

"Please do not fuck Lady Fate," Neji said, narrowing his eyes, activating his blood limit.

"That's not what I meant, Dattebayo!"

"Hn!"

"Yeah, I can see that Teme, I'm not fucking blind!"

"Hn."

"Oh, he's behind me? Hey... Itachi... Dattebayo..."

"Hn."

"You'll never get him as long as I'm here!"

"Hn," Itachi said, crossing his arms.

"Itachi-sama! Tobi's being eaten by a titan!"

"HN!"

"Bye Sasuke's brother! Believe it!"

"Hey, where did everyone else go?"

The cadettes had left because they were tired of their bullshit.

I would also like to mention that Tobi was safely removed from the titan's mouth with minimal injuries (until Itachi got to him).

-Trost-

"Look, girly boys up there, next to the commander, I'm so proud. Dattebayo."

"Sshhhhhhh... The commanders saying something."

"I can't hear him."

"Neither can I?"

"Naruto, translate for us."

"Ok, blah blah blah, something about Trost, blah blah, wall Maria? Blah blah, HOLY SHIT, GIRLY BOY IS A TITAN!"

"What?"

"I knew he was too weird to be human, like Naruto."

"I'm not weird, Dattebayo! Also, apparently he's moving a massive boulder or something?"

-group extensional horror time-

"We're all going to die!"

"I miss my mum!"

*insert throwing up noise*

"It's like they've never been to war."

"Or, like it was either this are being a farmer."

"That sounds boring."

-Trost (again)-

"I-spy with my teeny weeny minuscule (almost like Sasuke's dick) little eye, something beginning with 'L', Dattebayo!"

"Hn. Loser?"

"No Sasuke, there are no mirrors up here. Anyway, the answer was 'lots of death'. Because everyone's dying, believe it!"

"Eren's just turned into a titan!"

"YOSH! THE WILL OF FIRE IS UNLEASHED UPON THE LAND!"

"And, he just attacked Mikasa, troublesome."

"Let's go and help! Dattebayo!"

"Naruto! Wait! And he's gone... Again."

124((5; 5:4;6()7)8£865\ {\ {|} ~%%^! €

"Yo! Girly boy, my dude. Go do your job, prove that you're not the enemy! Believe it!"

Eren stood up.

He picked up the boulder.

The hole was now plugged.

He collapsed.

"Shit..."

"That went well."

"Shut up."

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"You guys think he's awake yet?"

"Be patient."

Eren opened his eyes. There were people leaning over him.

"Are his eyes yellow are blue?"

"Just say green a be done with it."

"Shut up, Sakura."

* * *

**Don't ask me what was going on, I have no idea either**


End file.
